Snow Journal #2

Sometimes, ideally all the time, I come home after snowboarding and relax by writing it all down. I don’t really pay attention to which parts were boring and which parts were exciting; I just want to capture the minutiae that made the day the day that it was. For me, this is also a good way to figure out how to tell the story before I blab about it out loud to other people in a way that makes no sense.

You should know that this season is severely lacking snow, not as bad as California, but pretty bad. It’s mostly just myself my musing and I out there and whomever I’m carpooling and thus spending the day with. It’s a good way to meet awesome, like minded people. At the same time, the people who like the mountains are a diverse crowd.

If I leave feeling calm or excited though, it was a good day. And I’ve never regretted a day on the mountain!

______________

Snowboarding has changed for me. On one hand, alpine slopes create a safe environment for creativity and exploration On the other, backcountry for a beginner means even more exploration, but putting down all your thoughts and civilized masks at the doorstep; it’s a lot more work and it’s only fun in hindsight. Slopes are safe. Backcountry thought is survival and relationships.

It made me think more deeply about what it is about snowboarding that interests me. Bobsleigh or skeleton. Those related sports I’d love to try with a professional driving. Then there are some things that I have no interest in trying. Skydiving. No thanks. I don’t like to free fall. I do like speed though. I love speed. This is why today’s supposedly gross thinly-frosted fresh groomers were amazing. I had heard the glories of ‘fresh pow’ for so long that I had forgotten all the other wonderful types of snow that make getting out early worth going for. I love these speed inducing but safe snow conditions, with a hair more bite than ice.

Looking at the trail maps now I notice that the area I thought I went out of bounds was a run, although it was out of bounds because it wasn’t officially opened. To my chagrin another black tree run was open today but I didn’t know due to my lack of experience with the mountain’s tree runs. But as I wrote midday, absolutely happy with the snow and view, it’s not the difficulty or number or speed of your runs that makes snowboarding good. It’s the feeling that first attracted you to snowboarding that makes a run good. Today with enough snow to ride some things on the side, and fresh from skiing (god, that’s awkward-your body keeps trying to face forward while falling on your snowboard), and jawdropping views (how often is it clear here? Never) I neither was amazing, horrible, or anything. I was just me, and I felt deep in me the childish joy that drew me to the activity in the first place, that was an essential part of me, and the uncomplicated joy of movement that has nothing to do with anybody seeing you (in fact, I didn’t really want anyone catching me in the silly act of enjoying a simple turn or ride up snow so much.) In a well connected world, it was a private moment of joy that I wanted to enjoy myself. In fact it made it better that my parents were extremely angry I had gone snowboarding. No one was going to ask me about it except people who really cared. Great.

I cannot stress how nice it was to ride privately, because for once I could ride not just to pay off my seasons’ pass, but to actually ride. No one was going to care how fast or slow I went, or how many runs I went on, or whether or not I hit any features; I could do whatever I want like I did last season. Luckily for me, I did go into the park for the first time by myself this season, something I took a long time to warm up against. I was in a lazy daze and going into the park seemed to be the antithesis of the joy I was currently experiencing. But although the feeling of rolling snow was great, the joy of flight called and I went in. Well, first I had 2 large cookies and a thing of latte. The anxiety was getting back to me and I needed to tamp it down, and somehow caffeine gave me the precision and lack of fear I had misplaced. Feeling more like myself, I finally got to feel the joy of running the full length of a ride-on box again. Nothing difficult, very simple really, but I had been missing the component of fearlessness (which is normal). It is quite difficult to describe how I realized I no longer had a natural state of comfort but somehow ingesting certain things would give me it back for a short while, but anyhow it worked and I went on the box 5X but never fully hit the shortest, lowest, flattest rail in existence of humanity. I need myself to do that, not just coffee.  Oh how exhilarating it is to be going with almost no control of one’s speed down the mountain after having one’s senses sharpened back to normal! That was what drew me to snowboarding, speed nearing the loss of control, and ultimate control, if you want to do ride anything in the park.

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Before/After

So, there ends my enjoyable month of weekend trips. I’m trying not to think about the term ahead where my schoolwork picks up and internship starts and take up everyday of the week. I’m thankful for what I had and still have (mentally), and only wish I were paid so the summer can be opened up.

Why I was attracted to the outdoors:

-I will be as cool and adventurous as people who go outside!

-breathtaking scenery

-to escape everyday life

-imagined feeling of strength and agency (But too lazy to exercise, so no good)

-love learning new skills

-mainly, snowboarding: wanting to go somewhere with more snow + more wild but not actually wild

Why the outdoors really attracted me, after a month of weekend trips:

-Why it’s actually fun: none of the reasons above reign at all!! People are cool, but not by city measurements; they’re cool because they’re equally welcoming

Changes:

-loving food that is simple to prepare (alright: by virtue of being cheap, I always did)

-being so grateful for a chair

-hating useless clothing, and clothing made of cotton in general

-switching from wondering if you are cool enough for someone you admire to asking yourself if you are cool enough for you. if YES, continue journey. If NO, change your mindset until you are so you a) have the best time ever and b) have the willpower to finish the journey

-gaining packing skills (I pack my school backpack in a new light now) and weighing everything in your hand before putting it in your bag

– loving bungee cords

– really, really hating stores: There is zero gratification from exchanging a valuable resource (money) for something else (that you didn’t have to physically work for) It even feels bad because of the fact that you are freely “giving away” a resource (and not to help someone else). In the outdoors, giving away something is usually a selfless act that also beckons a helpful return: balance. Plus, the economy is restricted to your immediate people whom you all know, instead of a faceless corporation.

-being refreshed by a lack of ads (and being desensitized to seeing ads: you learn to just not be bombarded by them and tune them out as irrelevant details)

-constantly reading the landscape. So much reading. So much fun.

-always bringing food or gear to share. It’s good karma.

-relying on yourself

-teamwork

-not judging anyone

-quite honestly, I rarely notice the landscape for any more than a few glimpses. If you notice the landscape too long, then the trip is too easy for you. If you don’t notice it at all, it was too hard and dial back a little if you can and have fun! Didn’t you come for the sights?? I can’t figure out this conundrum. Sometimes the slopes are so beautiful I want to stop snowboarding mid run +feel the urge to hike but then didn’t I come to snowboard?!

-physically feeling anger, jealousy, dread and hopelessness are energy wasting and useless feelings. I can’t say how many times I easily overcame those feelings because I just needed to feel like I was invincible.

-I’m not as restless. Energy isn’t really a function of how much you have but how you are able to regulate it.

Afterthoughts:
-I think being outside makes me a better person, for others and myself

-On the other hand I find sitting inside unbearable, but I’m nowhere near fit enough to be pursuing the outdoors every weekend without wrecking myself. So forcing myself to stay inside and plain having to say no to trips because of your calendar where everyday is blocked off for school or work is painful in ways you didn’t feel before.

-I still prefer to have tasted the apple than not know that feeling at all

-You pretty much have to suffer to have that kind of fun. Trips that are too easy just aren’t fun because the fun part is thinking city-atypical thoughts and clearing your brain

-I love non fiction a lot more and nearly hate fiction. Fiction is one of those things that requires accessing energy-sucking emotions

-I sort of hate school, but not because of school but so much as the lack of time to connect more classmates than just one or two + talk about life and the politeness that obfuscates students’ real personality  in discussion.

-I question why we don’t talk to strangers more, because you generally talk to everybody you pass or camp near (so why not have an hour long conversation with the person sitting beside you on the bus??) Every day feels like a missed opportunity to connect with another person

-I want to literally own nothing but gear and some great writing. However, I need to dress and feed myself and live somewhere. Oops.

-I don’t understand why you would want to be in the city without taking  a trip once a month and I want everybody I love to join me.

Updates

Buying secondhand is not a gamble but it is a game for the educated and in this case I was not educated enough. What seemed to be a harmless replacement for my lost goggles turned out to be a nightmare of not-fun-making proportions as I realized, on the mountain, I needed new lens for the goggles; out in the wilderness, no such luck. Genuinely I felt thunderstruck I wasn’t able to discern the defect when I bought them off a fellow student. I was mad; but I took them home, scrubbed them with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, and I could finally see out of them, albeit they were no longer mirrored (but that does absolutely nothing for vision, in my opinion; it just looks cool.) Finally, they had not fit over my glasses anyhow (a problem I didn’t realize was not my old pair of goggles’ fault, but the simple construction of glasses; even the frameless ones have arms that don’t want to be compatible with any goggles. Eschew warnings of eye damage; I had lived without sunglasses or goggles all my life, and this vain attempt to start was lost on me. Like I said, it’s close scrapes and dirty escapes, not even an illusion of close escapes and dirty scrapes.

Which brings me to my current situation; bailing out the cost by selling unnecessary material. I had been quite keen on a jacket and jumped on it; a pink confection, I pondered whether I had bought it because of my gender, or because I truly liked it. I, at the time, thought I was finally mature enough to fully embrace my femininity even in snowboarding, the once place I traditionally held as no man’s land for female signifiers. Now it’s gone, before I even had the chance to switch to wearing it; I breathe a sigh of relief; no matter the color, having an extra option of jacket made my head spin in this world of choice.

Here are some random stuff I want to spend money on winter sport wise: a guided luge; alpine skis; goggles that work with my glasses; shell pants; a lift ticket to another resort. Here are things I don’t agree with: baggy heavy insulated pants are not only ridiculous for our weather, they get in the way of snowboarding; skiing is harder than snowboarding; $150 is not too much to pay to be hurtled down an ice tunnel in which you would never have the skill to survive otherwise. Skydiving, however, seems utterly stupid, but mostly the cost per experience. Something like a guided bobsleigh would imitate my feelings for snowboarding (hurtling down at fast speeds) but were skydiving fun, I’d only itch to feel it again and again and be miserable because who can always fork out $X to skydive? Plus, there are so many other fun things I would do before that. Even if money were not an object I would not put skydiving on the top of my list. So many things.

Here are some things I know I’m not ready for: a splitboard  (skill, above all, is needed.) High adventure awaits those who do, but also only those who have the skill to harness it. I learned that on my three non lift assisted ski trips, watching but only yearning as I looked at slopes that invited the eye but not the body as it turned, in fear, from the unsurmountable snow.

So when I bought that pink jacket, I perhaps was buying it because of my gender, and not my aspirations. To fit in and not only to stand out. I feel mixed but in honestly it’s good it’s gone. I shall not spend more, extra, wasted thought on my femininity while I enjoy the single most enjoyable aspect of snowboarding, which is the ride. Yeah, I’m not going to give up the goggles without a fight; they look nice; they cut glare amazingly; they’ll look good when I care, but also perform when I don’t. My board, my boots, nothing else needs to be replaced. There’s a delicate balance between having fun and enhancing the fun of the sport and having some fantasy goal supplanting the initial excitement of it. I wrote a journal entry the last time I snowboarded, just like the girl in my snowcave wrote a “poem from a snowcave” while inside the snow cave. There is something elemental about enjoying the love that comes from a lack of outside influence and I’m so glad that I feel it. If someone can accept me without the pink jacket and I can accept myself without a pink jacket, then I’ll know I’ve reached a point where the sport is good for me. I’ll know that even when snowboarding is not popular I’ve invented something for myself, but I’ll also be following the trend set out by the dedicated populace, so I can exist without even while I am existing within. I can be me, however I am seen: and this has always been important for all of time in any race and any person-and never mattered in the end at all.

There are some things that sound extremely exciting to me. Bobsleigh or skeleton. There are some things that I have no interest in trying. Skydiving. No thanks. I don’t like to free fall. I do like speed though. I love speed. This is why today’s supposedly gross thinly-frosted fresh groomers were amazing. I had heard “fresh pow” for so long during the summer I had forgotten all the other wonderful types of snow that make getting out early worth going for. I love these speed inducing but safe snow conditions, with a hair more bite than ice.

Looking at the trail maps now I notice that the area I thought I went out of bounds was a run, although it was out of bounds because it wasn’t officially opened. To my chagrin another black tree run was open today but I didn’t know due to my lack of experience with the mountain’s tree runs. But as I wrote midday, absolutely happy with the snow and view, it’s not the difficulty or number or speed of your runs that makes snowboarding good. It’s the feeling that first attracted you to snowboarding that makes a run good. Today with enough snow to ride some things on the side, and fresh from skiing (god, that’s awkward-your body keeps trying to face forward while falling on your snowboard), and jawdropping views (how often is it clear here? Never) I neither was amazing, horrible, or anything. I was just me, and I felt deep in me the childish joy that drew me to the activity in the first place, that was an essential part of me, and the uncomplicated joy of movement that has nothing to do with anybody seeing you (in fact, I didn’t really want anyone catching me in the silly act of enjoying a simple turn or ride up snow so much.) In a well connected world, it was a private moment of joy that I wanted to enjoy myself. In fact it made it better that my parents were extremely angry I had gone snowboarding. No one was going to ask me about it except people who really cared. Great.

I cannot stress how nice it was to ride privately, because for once I could ride not just to pay off my seasons’ pass, but to actually ride. No one was going to care how fast or slow I went, or how many runs I went on, or whether or not I hit any features; I could do whatever I want like I did last season. Luckily for me, I did go into the park for the first time by myself this season, something I took a long time to warm up against. I was in a lazy daze and going into the park seemed to be the antithesis of the joy I was currently experiencing. But although the feeling of rolling snow was great, the joy of flight called and I went in. Well, first I had 2 large cookies and a thing of latte. The anxiety was getting back to me and I needed to tamp it down, and somehow caffeine gave me the precision and lack of fear I had misplaced. Feeling more like myself, I finally got to feel the joy of running the full length of a ride-on box again. Nothing difficult, very simple really, but I had been missing the component of fearlessness (which is normal). It is quite difficult to describe how I realized I no longer had a natural state of comfort but somehow ingesting certain things would give me it back for a short while, but anyhow it worked and I went on the box 5X but never fully hit the shortest, lowest, flattest rail in existence of humanity. I need myself to do that, not just coffee.  Oh how exhilarating it is to be going with almost no control of one’s speed down the mountain after having one’s senses sharpened back to normal! That was what drew me to snowboarding, speed nearing the loss of control, and ultimate control, such as in the case of terrain parks.

Down the Winter Rabbit Hole (Snow caving)

This is my experience snow caving. Because of the lack of snow, to my relief, we only trekked a little ways up a popular trail and set out to transform the snowy field into 10~ snow caves. We worked in teams of about 4~ and creatively set about whacking together a snowy abode with shovels and human power. It was totally safe but also deeply satisfying to be living in a temporary community of self built shelters.

Plus, a comment on how “Trips make me question the creative life” below  (Pictures first!)

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our snow cave

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gigantic snow banquet table (seats carved out of snow)

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entrance to our snow cave. It is spacious inside, really.

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view as the fog lifts for a brief second

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muddy road back with a glimpse of the mountains.

/////////////////////////////////////// Weird thoughts:

Life is so dam confusing.

All I know is I’m still not living the life that I want (but was I ever?)

Of the people on the trip, which are living the lives that they want? Many live lives off the beaten path; travellers, all. How much of wonder is a physical space and how much of it can be mentally created?

I don’t believe we were born with arms and legs so we could just live in our minds. Or that is exactly what I believe. For so long I turned to books to learn about other lives and other worlds; now I’m finally turning to people. The distance between the page and life has never been farther. For so long as you are comfortable art will come; but move into the zone of survival and discomfort and art is put indefinitely on hold. Choose one: art and comfort or discomfort and physical/real accomplishment. Sit at home and photoshop and read or go out and listen to real people’s lives/field research that which you read about. I can’t ever stop liking the creative and yet at the same time I will put that on hold in order to satisfy my curiosity about the things that I write and make pictures of. What I write or make pictures of eventually comes true, it’s true. I used to just write about snowboarding and now I snowboard. I collected pictures of roads leading to mountains and now I’ve finally seen it. I dreamed of waking up outside and then snowboarding…shit that hasn’t happened yet. Watching the video of and then bundling down into a snowcave instead of a tent where I can easily unzip and stare at the night sky and skiing dangerously instead of carving the beautiful, beautiful inclines I saw on a snowboard mean I a) will write about it until I b) fulfill this wish. Creative pursuits are just wish fulfillment, after all. Once you fulfill the wish you have to find something else to make art out of. Dangerous? Maybe. True? If there is anything I have learned about artists of any kind it’s that intense desire/insecurity drives art. An intense desire to combat that intense insecurity because we question everything and most of all ourselves.

Out.

pre trip thoughts-overnight in a snow cave

-why red heather AGAIN

-we better not be going higher than red heather because doing a trip above my ability is not a good idea joints wise

-promise to work out if this doesn’t kill me so future trips are more enjoyable and less damaging…

-yay! get to see a friend there from my 3rd overnight trip-SLEEPOVER TIME

-I better not be claustrophobic

-3 hrs or less sleep before a trip, AGAIN. happens every single overnight

-didnt even pack my bags this time…

-no camera, whoops

-woah, do I finally get to wake up outdoors in the winter??? dream come true!
-I hope I dont freeze to death

-my backpack is even heavier this time O.o I already died last time…

-really no fucking reason to ski anymore, since I dont know the area around red heather and need a guide,elfin lakes was a disaster bc no guide, and only 1 other skiier in group (probably better than me…) skinning is the shit…makes me 3X slower than everyone else. but while the skis are rented out to me, it is my obligation to use them…

-i miss snowboarding!!

-wish certain people could come along!

-i packed much less food. hope that works out.

-shit…2.5 hrs sleep. That’s a nap. O.o no wondering I’m pigging out now…

-driver has no chains on his tires. WHY. will ski out if he insists on driving in snow in them…O.o not safe

-see ya…alive hopefully 😀

-honestly, after all my “research” on digital life and stuff and conversations with friends, I’m glad to have no camera. life pre camera for capturing every life moment=the kind of life for me.

Snow Journal #0

Sometimes, ideally all the time, I come home after snowboarding and relax by writing it all down. I don’t really pay attention to which parts were boring and which parts were exciting; I just want to capture the minutiae that made the day the day that it was. For me, this is also a good way to figure out how to tell the story before I blab about it out loud to other people in a way that makes no sense.

You should know that this season is severely lacking snow, not as bad as California, but pretty bad. It’s mostly just myself my musing and I out there and whomever I’m carpooling and thus spending the day with. It’s a good way to meet awesome, like minded people. At the same time, the people who like the mountains are a diverse crowd.

If I leave feeling calm or excited though, it was a good day. And I’ve never regretted a day on the mountain!

~

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Skiing to ski vs skiing to pay off your season’s pass are two very different things.  Skiing simply to ski is to enjoy every minute of unrushed, rudimentary event. Time is microscopic. Your surroundings become the forefront. Today is bluebird, amazingly white and clear, amazing to see the run you just skied down from afar. Nice to get just sit down the on-no rush at all. No more than pleasantly tired. cond. today-delightfully easy to gain speed. Little snow but fresh groomers=no resistance. Can I stress-golden sunlight. 1st time this season

If you snowboard-you feel the joy that Ist attracted you to it, then you are a true snowboarder. not speed, not skill. Fun is the biggest factor. I love safe but slightly not speed (best on a groomer) and trying to do switch on incline. That is where my heart lies.

PS snowboarding after skiing enhances riding but feels so weird. I try to fall forward. Many nice guys on lift, grampa.

Stronger Than Mountains Remixed

This image is a remix of my old Stronger than Mountains pictures, which I used for my facebook profile for a long time. It features a mountain with the faces of my friends and I staring back at you in a circle of sunset swept mountain (Okay, just an orange filter.) Since it’s been such a long time and I was bored, I decided to make another one; blue this time, my favourite color and also a very calming one. It shows me taking a piece out of the landscape, which is the mountains with my friends on it, and holding it like a good luck charm on. Thanks guys.logo2colour

Previous: https://lawnchairair.wordpress.com/2014/05/16/obligatory-graphics-post/

Elfin Lakes

This is my experiencing backpacking on a popular, moderately hard route to a cabin with ample ski areas.

~

Backpacking to Elfin Lakes when unfit and a shitty skiier is definitely a stupid thing to do. However, I did it, so you should too.

R: You looked like you were having so much fun there! Skiing through the powder!
Me: I was scared shitless because I can’t ski and if I fall and have to get back up for the 10th time, I will not get back up, because of the 30 pounds of backpacking and food I didn’t finish eating on my back.

R: Oh really?
Me: Yeah.

R: You look like you had fun.

Me: I did. In hindsight.

***

V: Do you want to take off your skins and ski here? (X10)

Me: No.

V: I’m going to ask you again, it’s downhill, want to ski?
Me: No.

V: Why not?
Me: If I fall down I’m not going to be able to get back up with this backpack. Then you’ll have to wait 10 minutes.

***

Other snowshoers in the cabin: How’s the skiing?
Me: I don’t even know how to ski. It’s fun.

***

Me: *by myself* *takes half an hour to try to put on ski boots* Fuck! *Leaves with 2 straps undone and leaves to ski because can’t figure out how to strap it and too embarrassed to ask.

***

Conversation with myself:

Me: Why the fuck didn’t I bring a light snowboard if I end up carrying my 10 pound skis over the areas I can’t ski??

Me: This powder would be fun on a snowboard.

Me: This powder is fun on skis right? *falls over and can’t get back up*

***

Me: I love skiing because I love skinning, not because I love skiing. Skiing is too scary to be enjoyable.

N and R: *cheering as I go over a two-ski wide section, bordered by a snowy drop I can’t possibly get back out if I fell into* You did it!
Me: @#*#$(*#&$(#&$! I nearly died!

***

Me: *sees a focussed looking skiier glide by* I’m going to switch to skiing forever. *sees a snowboard, all laid back, glide by.* I take that back.

I was able to get out of Elfin Lakes on skis alive but there are definitely many, many things you should know before you attempt this. a) Leave early b) don’t carry more than you can carry, for a longer time than estimated c) don’t be so afraid that you refuse to leave the beaten path because there’s plenty of safe powder on either side of the path d) stay with a educated and prepared group e) Expect that some things will only be fun in hindsight because they were too hard/too dangerous to enjoy on the fly. f) Look around at any moment your mental and physical resources are freed up from tackling the hike/ski. It’s beautiful. But even if you can’t, you will still have a great time.

Logistics-wise, winter roads are dangerous. Before the trip I would have said I would have done anything for powder but that is simply not true. Chains on tires are a must. A tree fell in front of our car on the road and we spent 4 hours driving down the mountain road. Know how to drive with chains on an icy road before you attempt to drive a bunch of people. Also, you must be able to ski a bit or at least have practiced walking in skis with a heavy backpack before trying a trail that may or may not have tight section where you have to have control of your skis or fall so deep you have to be rescued. Having emergency gear should be a must. (Ehh…good thing other people were paying more attention.)

Out.

Pre-trip Thoughts: Elfin Lakes

Orders of business:

Housekeeping: Done. It’s the most ordered I’ve packed my bags yet, and it’s still not ordered. Things all have a purpose and place though. Slight consideration towards weight distribution but not much. I feel like I’m packing a cupboard. Pack the nooks with nooky things and healthier things like powdered milk and vegetable juice.

Investing: watch given to me by rich uncle still works 10 years later. cause solar powered. amazing. and shock resistant and shit, waterproof too. This is the kind of thing i need in life, period. was too stupid on my own, buying breakable things. eyes on the future.talk w/friend’s dad: his remark: “you’re finally started to invest in better things.” bought a fine synthetic down packable jacket a couple days before with him + friend. I thought they LOL’d; why pay $50 for a jacket when a hand me down is just as fine. It’s not. $50 was $250, later her dad says, “i was overheating in my jacket. but i can’t pack it. too big.” life is very precise and sensible, and it’s easy to be comfy. invest in the right things. wearing watch for the first time in 5~ years because shit phone+mp3 clock will not last nor work in cold weather. but this too is luxury: you don’t need to tell the time in the wilderness, you just have to look at the sky.

Luxury: I am well aware this is a luxury trip. No avy gear; hope for the best but really low risk and so much extra room w/o tent or gear. With it, backpack is possibly not big enough. Now w/room to spare, packed with random shit like lots of shareable foods, fondue foods, spent 1 hr just buying candies (coke and blue whales and sour shit) even toothbrush…it screams luxury, even if i have to slog up ridiculously to get there.

Be kind: maybe it’s just coming off of a sugar high but boy did I see something in those words stamped on the side of a granola bar, “kind”. “kind” tastes good, just like coconut and almond and honey, the flavour of the bar, coincidently. hiking=be kind. synonymous. always saying “hi” to hikers. maybe it’s a safety precaution. but still very cool. people=depend on for survival. peoplealso=a kind of google. fi you are lost, you fish for results by finding other ppl. u can only get answers if you are kind. also, if you are lost, kind people will help find you. all in all very kind community.

No one sleeps: if you’re unlucky enough to be contacted by me before a trip it’s me seeking someone who is even less fit than me (a terribly hard task) in order to have some safety net for the trip the next day, which is usually in T-~3 hrs. Yet again I am embarking backcountry skiing, requiring way more energy and muscle than I have, on 3 hrs sleep, no coffee. HAHAHA. I think I am insane. But no, it was worth staying up if I finally get a reply that says “actually, I have never done this before”. Sometimes I don’t. I didn’t last time. Yay! It was fine. Being the worst is a civilized worry.

Being a “poser”; lots of “poser” outdoors peoples; actually, I like to say that these “posers” maintain the artsy/cultural side of engaging with the outdoors. Outdoorism would be really boring without the exaggeration and charisma to excite bored folk. resorts and resort mentality draw ppl into snowsports. It gives them the freedom to grow in so many ways: park, backcountry, social and environmental activism. each its own branch, each as authentic and weird and with its own set of posers. if there were no posers, then they would be a lot more obscure, and a lot less ppl would be into it, which would be sad. Although I finally understand why those hersel backpacks and such have those “pig snout” things. For hanging extra stuff.

Wildcards: I really don’t know how my skis are going to strap onto the roof. I really don’t know if my skis are safe. Heck, they aren’t even my skis. But I don’t want to let them go. I like how huge and retarded they look, with space-y boots and really, just so much more high tech than my $40 snowboard. That sick stick can go perish; it was made to perish, at the will of some particularly nasty jib.
Can I go to sleeP? No. The other third of your trio went to sleep no earlier than T-~4.5 hr and the other guy…probably took his snooze 8 hrs ago. If not, then you are fucked. He’s not the original planner and his mini “bio” isn’t very encouraging. We will get lost and be fucked beyond belief because no one brought a map. Yay!

–out