Alright. Let’s try this again.
The discussion on living with depression and/or anxiety.
First of all: it’s healthy if this makes you cry. Crying is both hard with depression and overcrying is easy with anxiety.
No matter how long you have depression or anxiety though, its greater devastating effects are not a reflection of your personality.
Contrary to common sayings, we cannot change our thoughts. They come up to us out of unconscious, much the way stories and art do. But what we can change is how we react to out thoughts. Say we are predisposed over time through our surroundings, previous reactions and actions to think negatively. These negative thoughts aren’t the target, and changing them often leads to suffocating, burying, and ultimately repressing our utmost sadnesses. That’s wrong. The remedial reaction is to acknowledge these feelings, to feel them, as deeply as possible, and to finally hold them at an arm’s length and say, This feelings are real, but that doesn’t mean they are true. Feeling blue? Allow yourself to feel blue, and contrarily, you will not feel extremely depressed but relieve some of that fear from repressing unwanted feelings and finally feel better than you have, feel normal again.
I also found that being “messed up” is less conductive to creative work than I originally thought. I think that’s because the prevalence of mood disorders among creative people is so great that we mix the chicken with the egg. Creative people are highly in tune with fluctuations in emotions (hence their ability to depict them), so it’s easy to get sucked into these emotions and mix those lows and highs and consequent creative lows and highs with each other. Also, art is a way creative people deal with negative events in their lives. A depressed or anxious person will create better art after they’ve gotten counselling or other types of help.
Basically, have hope. You are worth so much more than your mood disorder says you are.