the end of an era

New school year, new people, new life. IMG_2969 (1)

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Meadows. Meadows are beautiful.

Garibaldi Lake.

It rained all weekend, and my tent buddy and I were so paranoid my tent would leak-as did everyone else, it turned out. When we woke up, my tent mate and I both confessed we had dreams about bears and thought each other were responsible for making noises against the tent. Water pooled under my side of the tent, which lodged a large rock, and reminded us mother nature was our ruler. With a party of 17, we surprisingly had the campgrounds to ourselves-no one wanted to hang out in the adverse weather. A special surprise of fancy wine with fire-roasted sugar cones and fruit celebrated the end of an era, for the group leader, finishing his year long exchange. Despite going on only a small handful of the available trips last year, he’d been so welcoming it felt like he was a permanent fixture in the club. 

With all my friends doing co-op, or on exchange, it’s a bittersweet feeling to finally be trying to make new friends again. Sure, going on outdoor adventures with fellow classmates opened my eyes to lots of lovely people, but it also opened my eyes to the possibility of adult life: people are transient. Simply put, people come and go. 

I thought that I was friendly last year, and I was. But I was comfortable. I knew I had friends to turn too, reference points; now I’m floundering in the sea, again, just like last year, after my first camping trip. And that feeling of fear, of having to redefine myself, led to the person I am now, so that can’t be a bad thing. And anyways, it’s only until December. Then all my friends come back and we will all be different and it will be amazing.

Being brave is scary, and being stagnant is terrifyingly boring. Who will you be this year? Who will you be in just four months? It’s scary to think that every minute that ticks by we are building ourselves. Building who will be in the future, always changing from the person we are now. Will be the people we wanted to be? Or should we not have any preconceptions, to truly free ourselves? After just a weekend with new exchange and local students, I feel my worldview shifting. As we four at a bored unpaid internship wrap-up meeting collectively agreed, we want a job that prioritizes people-learning from people is the best way to learn. Also, I think all of our prides got a bit bashed from the unpaid full-day workdays.

Anyways. Looking forward, I’m already excited that this year will be different, that every year will be different. Excited to wake up and experiment with the day, excited to learn something that will change the way I think, and evolving everything-fuck, I will love that fear. Fear of not knowing anyone, seeking people for knowledge, and most of all, becoming someone else that I don’t even recognize. After all, stagnation stinks and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that.

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