Pre-Trip Post: So Underplanned

These are my pre-trip thoughts to (not sure? Undecided?) I write down my pre trip thoughts because they are an accurate snapshot of how I feel and my thoughts are usually overcharged at this time. I also find it humbling to write down my fears before each trip because it allows me to face them here first instead of on the trail.

No apologies. Just me, my thoughts, and I.

What the hell? You want me to walk a shitload of distance with a heavy back despite not carrying a heavy pack or anything for four months? Are you sure? Is it too late to bail?
How can I afford not to? My mental health is on the line here. I need to get out there. Put myself out there. Be in the centre of all beauty.

Fuck this bullshit called the social status. I don’t care if I’m popular or unpopular, talked or untalked about, known or unknown. I know that I am loved intensely by people I also love intensely.

Can I make this? How can I not?

Last time I did it was the hardest thing I’ve done. Last time I also overpacked.

I guess the snow is melting. It’s supposed to be no snow. Boohoo. Shoulder season sucks.

I want to be in the centre of all beauty. I want to make sense of it and write it all out so others can experience it, too. I want to get closer to people with this. I also want to stop pretending. I also know if I don’t pretend I’ll not move a muscle and be like who I was before, full of aches and pains from long stretches of introspection and anxiety. Unbearable.

I need to know that I was right. That people were wrong when they said the world cared about outsides and reputations. That the world is really about what the people you love think of you and what you think of yourself. That that is how you succeed, coupled with realistic strategies and second to none.

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